May 23, 2024
Maine UMaine 3D printed island -- New Maine Island

ORONO, MAINE — In an announcement that has sent shockwaves through the real estate industry, the University of Maine revealed plans for its next big project—literally big. Their new 3D printer, part Hewlett Packard and part Mother Nature is capable of feats that dwarf their own record-holding machine, is set to print an entirely new island off the coast of Maine.

Unimaginably dubbed “New Maine Island,” this ambitious endeavor aims to alleviate housing shortages and attract more tourists. Other potential names for New Maine Island that didn’t make the cut were: Printport, Printer’s Isle, Polymerhaven, and Acadia 2.0.

Real estate agents, ever the opportunists, wasted no time. Before the final print settings could even be confirmed, they began accepting down payments for waterfront properties. “It’s all about location,” one enthusiastic agent exclaimed. “And what’s better than oceanfront views on a brand-new island crafted by cutting-edge technology?”

Critics argue about the feasibility and environmental impact, but the university remains optimistic. The project lead, Dr. Epson, assured that all construction materials are eco-friendly and sourced from sustainable bio-plastics. “Imagine waking up to a sunrise over a beach you printed the blueprint for,” Dr. Epson mused.

As the community watches this sci-fi scenario unfold, questions linger about the island’s governance and if it’s a sign of things to come. Meanwhile, dozens of area bay scallops are reportedly consulting legal counsel, fearing the new island could disrupt their traditional breeding grounds.