Proposed Ban May Outlaw Side Split Hot Dog Buns to “Preserve Culinary Tradition”
AUGUSTA, Maine — In a move that has left culinary enthusiasts and hot dog lovers reeling, Maine officials have taken a stand against the controversial side split hot dog bun, claiming it’s high time to preserve the state’s culinary tradition. The proposed ban on side split buns has sparked heated debate across the state and the nation, with some rallying behind the split top standard, while others stand firm in their allegiance to the side split underdog.
“This is a matter of tradition and pride,” stated Maine’s Food Culture Commissioner, Patty Wheatfield. “Our ancestors didn’t fight for our right to consume hot dogs in a side split bun. Split top buns are the backbone of our hot dog heritage.”
Opponents of the ban argue that outlawing side split buns is a blatant infringement on personal freedom and an unnecessary intervention by the government in the lives of ordinary citizens. “Let the people choose their own buns!” cried out Frank Cellar, a local hot dog vendor and proud side split bun advocate.
Frank’s hot dog stand, Frank’s Franks, has long been a coastal Maine culinary landmark, but whispers of “bun-rest” have been swirling among the locals. One regular customer, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of reprisal, confessed, “Look, Frank’s franks are legendary, nobody is going to deny that. But, we’ve all been craving the divine split top experience for years, and this proposed side split bun ban could be our ticket.”
The controversy has even managed to infiltrate social media, with the hashtags #teamsplittop and #teamsidesplit going viral, as citizens from across the nation weigh in on the great hot dog bun divide. Memes featuring split top buns wearing colonial hats and side split buns draped in American flags have become a common sight on Facebook, Threads, and Instagram feeds.
As tensions continue to rise, more local businesses have found themselves caught in the crossfire. The owner of Portland’s trendy “Dog House Deli,” Sandy French, has faced immense pressure from both sides of the debate. “I just want to serve delicious hot dogs,” she lamented. “But now, every time I hand over a bun, I feel like I’m making a political statement.”
Even the hot dogs themselves have become embroiled in the bun-based conflict. In a recent press conference, a spokesperson for the National Association of Hot Dogs (NAHD) tearfully urged state lawmakers to remember the true victim in this battle: “At the end of the day, it’s not about the buns. It’s about the delicious, juicy hot dogs nestled within them. Can’t we all just get along and enjoy our franks in peace?”
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: the great hot dog divide has taken the state by storm, leaving citizens to wonder whether a Maine bun ban would ultimately serve to unite or further split an already-fractured nation. Only time will tell if this heated battle will continue to escalate or if common ground can be found between the split top and side split faithful.
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