May 23, 2024
Man pouting over Greenville name

GREENVILLE, MAINE — In a state that boasts more shades of green than Bob Ross’s palette, a ripple of indignation is echoing through Maine towns following the revelation that Greenville secured the coveted name ‘Greenville’ before anyone else had the chance. From town halls to local diners, the resurgence of the age-old topic of how Greenville secured the coveted name before any other town has sparked a series of online debates and town meetings across the state. Residents of places like The Forks, East Machias, New Portland, and Brownville are voicing their outrage in what they consider a significant issue in Maine’s naming history.

In The Forks, known more for its river confluences than its naming creativity, a town meeting was called to address this “nomenclatural injustice.” Local river guide and town mayor Bob Johnson lamented, “Greenville – now that’s a name! It’s green, it’s a ville, it’s everything! Meanwhile, we’re stuck with cutlery references while Greenville sits pretty with the greenest of names. We’re just as green as Greenville, heck, maybe greener!”

Down in East Machias, a town whose name often requires clarification that it’s not, in fact, just the east side of Machias, librarian Sarah Berry voiced her envy. “Greenville rolls off the tongue. East Machias? Even Siri gets confused. We really should revisit which town in Maine gets the honor of the Greenville name.”

Over in New Portland, the town council rigorously debated a resolution to adopt ‘New Greenville’ as its unofficial nickname. Café owner and town councilor Jenna Beans expressed her sentiments while pouring a cup of coffee. “When the statewide chatter of Greenville nabbing the name first rolled into town, it was a bitterer moment than this espresso. Sure, ‘New Portland’ has its charm, but ‘New Greenville’ has a ring to it.”

Brownville’s town meeting took a more philosophical turn. “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. But let’s be honest, ‘Greenville’ just smells greener,” mused local poet Rhonda Shepherd.

As these light-hearted discussions unfold, it’s clear the towns are less upset and more in sheer envy of Greenville’s universally appealing name. The meetings have become a source of local camaraderie, with residents creatively venting their “frustrations.”

In the midst of the Greenville envy, towns like Greene, Maine, Greenwood, Maine, and Greenbush, Maine are noticeably absent from the conversation. Local speculation suggests that their names, while similarly ‘green’, lack the simple allure and catchy ‘ville’ suffix that makes Greenville so enviable.

Meanwhile, in Greenville, locals are taking the news of their town’s newfound fame in stride. “We had no idea our name would cause such a stir,” said Greenville’s unofficial ambassador, Janet Marshall. “We invite all our fellow Mainers to visit Greenville – the original one, that is.”

As the saga of name envy continues, the towns are planning a joint festival celebrating Maine’s diverse and sometimes confusing town names. The Forks will host the event, humorously dubbed “The Great Maine Name Debate: Forks, Spoons, and Greenville.”

In a state known for its unique character and sense of community, this serves as a reminder of the quirky charm that makes Maine, well, Maine – regardless of what each town is called.

Welcome to Greenville Maine postcard