May 23, 2024
Corn cobs next to a toilet

UNITY, MAINE – In a cheeky move that’s causing quite the stink, organizers of the famed Common Ground Country Fair have announced their latest eco-friendly initiative: replacing all conventional toilet paper with “Maine’s All-Natural Bum Scrubbers” – a fancy name for corn cobs.

“This year, we’re taking sustainability to the next level,” declared Fair Coordinator Willow Greenfield. “After extensive research, we found that corn cobs, a naturally biodegradable product can be used to replace toilet paper at all Fair restroom venues and provide a certain… rustic charm that’s in line with our ethos.”

The announcement has received mixed reactions. Local farmer Jeb Hawkins, a corn cob enthusiast, praised the decision: “It’s about time we return to the classics. My grandpappy swore by the efficiency of a good ol’ cob!”

However, not all fair-goers are convinced. “I’m all for saving the planet, but this might be a step too far,” admitted long-time attendee, Emily Foss, while cautiously eyeing a display of cobs.

The cobs, sourced from local Maine cornfields as well as Fair food vendors, are marketed as a “zero-waste alternative” to toilet paper. In keeping with the fair’s commitment to authenticity, each cob is hand-selected, ensuring a “genuine and unadulterated experience,” as the press release puts it.

corn cobs poster

In preparation for the switch, the Fair has scheduled a series of workshops titled “The Art of the Cob”, designed to educate attendees on the proper scrubbing techniques and historical significance of corn cob use. Maine artists have started submitting supportive infographics to support the initiative.

“We believe this initiative will not only reduce our carbon footprint but also reconnect people with traditional practices,” Greenfield explained, while demonstrating the “optimal scrubbing motion”.

The Fair Committee is also considering other environmentally friendly initiatives which we plan to cover, however, the corn cob move is currently taking social media by storm. “It’s about embracing our heritage and giving back to the Earth in the most direct way possible,” Greenfield concluded, smiling optimistically.

As the Fair approaches, one thing is clear: this year’s event is set to be more talked about than ever.