May 23, 2024
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CUMBERLAND, Maine — In a stunning show of ambition, a group of students from Greely High School in Cumberland, Maine have joined forces to tackle the age-old saying, “You can’t get there from here.” Armed with protractors, compasses, and a fresh mathematical approach, these bright young minds were determined to debunk the adage that has plagued their state for generations.

Led by 17-year-old mathematical prodigy, Ethan O’Connor, the group of ambitious teens have spent countless hours in their school’s mathematics lab and library, poring over maps and atlases in an attempt to disprove the infamous Maine saying. “We just couldn’t stand by and let this stereotype continue to define our great state,” said Ethan, as he adjusted his glasses and gestured towards the chalkboard covered in complex equations. “We knew there had to be a logical solution.”

The group’s breakthrough came after several months of tireless research when they stumbled upon a lesser-known theorem based on an even lesser-known algorithm called the “Wicked Good Path Algorithm.” The theorem, which was developed by an obscure mathematician from Bangor back in the early 1900s, had never gained much traction outside of academic circles. However, Ethan and his team believed that it could hold the key to solving the conundrum.

With the newfound knowledge, the group got to work, applying the Wicked Good Path Algorithm to various routes throughout the state. To their amazement, they discovered that not only could they “get there from here,” but they could do so with unprecedented efficiency.

A Wicked Good Path. Photo Credit: Wickedly Maine

“This is a game-changer for Mainers everywhere,” said 16-year-old Samantha Stevens, a member of the group. “No longer will we be ridiculed for our inability to navigate our own state. We’ve proven that not only can we get there from here, but we can do it better than anyone else!”

News of the teens’ accomplishment spread quickly throughout the state, garnering praise from locals and authorities alike. Maine’s governor even took to Twitter to congratulate the young scholars, stating, “These kids are the future of our great state. They’ve shown that, with a little determination and a lot of math, anything is possible.”

Despite their newfound fame, the group remains humble and focused on their next project: understanding the quantum nature of the whoopie pie. “Is it a pie as the name states? Or, is it a cookie or a cake? Our initial quantum hypothesis is that it may actually be two or more of these at the same time.”, said Ethan. “Mainers deserve to know, and were gonna find out.” The team plans to continue their research with the help of a grant from the Maine Department of Agriculture, Conservation, and Forestry.

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